Happy Father's Day?
Fathers Day..........
6 years ago my father passed away due to complication with cancer. So, whenever Father's Day shows up on the calender I wonder what it would be like if he were still around. Would I be here, in Ada? Would I be married? With a family? Would I have a career? Successful? Happy? How different would I be?
I don't know if this is just "how I am" or what, but I wonder if I would have been more outgoing and less shy. I seemed to have taken a step back when all of the things happened to my father. I know I can analyze this to death, which I'm not. It's a little like the Butterfly Effect (not the movie). I couldn't save him. Am I still, at some level, blaming God for taking him away from my family and I? When I think about it, I can't stand to imagine my mother living all by herself. Just think: Your spouse of many years is all of a sudden no longer there. No longer are your kids there either. You're alone. I am the last child living at home. When I leave, that's it. What's going to happen to her? I'm scared for her. I don't want to leave her alone.
In the later months of my father's life, it was somewhat expected that his "time" was quickly approaching. I knew it, yet I didn't want to face it. So, I guess I didn't know how to deal with the whole situation. I mean, how are you suppose to deal with your own father's approaching death? How??
Whenever I talk to somebody about him, I don't mind. In fact, I think it makes the other person more uncomfortable than it does myself. But sometimes I don't even want to think about it. I create my own shielded world where nothing can harm me, which doesn't work. I see others with their father and wish I had that.
Would I be a better person if he were still around?
6 years ago my father passed away due to complication with cancer. So, whenever Father's Day shows up on the calender I wonder what it would be like if he were still around. Would I be here, in Ada? Would I be married? With a family? Would I have a career? Successful? Happy? How different would I be?
I don't know if this is just "how I am" or what, but I wonder if I would have been more outgoing and less shy. I seemed to have taken a step back when all of the things happened to my father. I know I can analyze this to death, which I'm not. It's a little like the Butterfly Effect (not the movie). I couldn't save him. Am I still, at some level, blaming God for taking him away from my family and I? When I think about it, I can't stand to imagine my mother living all by herself. Just think: Your spouse of many years is all of a sudden no longer there. No longer are your kids there either. You're alone. I am the last child living at home. When I leave, that's it. What's going to happen to her? I'm scared for her. I don't want to leave her alone.
In the later months of my father's life, it was somewhat expected that his "time" was quickly approaching. I knew it, yet I didn't want to face it. So, I guess I didn't know how to deal with the whole situation. I mean, how are you suppose to deal with your own father's approaching death? How??
Whenever I talk to somebody about him, I don't mind. In fact, I think it makes the other person more uncomfortable than it does myself. But sometimes I don't even want to think about it. I create my own shielded world where nothing can harm me, which doesn't work. I see others with their father and wish I had that.
Would I be a better person if he were still around?
Brought To You By Coach K at
6/17/2006 10:53:00 AM
2 Comments:
Hope I'm not buggin you with all the comments. I understand what you're saying about wanting to stay at home for your mother's sake. That makes perfect sense to me and you're an awesome person for taking on such a responsibility as that. But other than that minor fact... If you can recognize now that you are supposed to be someone or something more than what you are at this very moment...make it so. I hate the way life goes sometimes, but we're built to move forward, no matter what obstacles we face. The only 2 options are moving forward and standing still. I hardly think you stood still all this time. If you're meant to be someone else other than who you are, you still have time to become that person. All in good time, my blogger buddy, all in good time. PS: it's like 3AM and I have no idea what I'm bloody talking about. So if it makes no sense. well. yeah.
By
Amy, queen of the world., at Thu Jun 22, 03:04:00 AM 2006
You are probably a great person because he was around. Nevermind what could have been-what can be today?
On my way to work today, I was talking to the Lord about His presence in my life. Sometimes it's peaceful and other times He asks me to do things or deal with things when I'm in a trial or some form of stressful season. But as I was talkin' to Him, He reminded me that EVERY time I listen to Him and do what He says or deal with what He wants me to deal with in the very moment it is the least comfortable, He builds a greater strength and character that brought me to a place to deal with the next obstacles ahead as well as giving me a greater appreciation for the restful seasons in life. He always brings me closer to Him. He works all things out for good to those who love Him and are called according to His purpose. (Rom. 8:28) You are not small in purpose, position, or pleasure to God or to the world around you.
As for Him taking your dad, honestly...was he not really His to take? We just borrow the time to spend with those we love-often times wishing we had made more of our time.
By
Nichole, at Thu Jul 16, 09:42:00 AM 2009
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