Flash Cards
Old lady boobs and an un-express check out. Interested? Read on...
It all started when I decided that my evening meal would be purchased at 11th greatest place on earth... WalMart. I go straight to the frozen goods section. I pass by the taquitos and the ice cream snickers, unfortunately, because I like to mix the two together into a delicious entree' of crap. Actually, when you mix the two together, it actually looks like crap.
So, I make my way to the frozen pizzas. Yes, the frozen pizzas. God's gift to mankind. That and college football. Pizzas in-hand, I head to the strawberries. Now, when you get strawberries at WalMart, you have to be careful. Some berries have "extra" fur on them... so, don't get those. Some strawberries look to be the nerds and dorks of the berry kingdom. Don't get those either. Strawberry social outcasts doesn't taste good.
I get my perfectly picked out berries of straw and head towards the checkout lane. Having only two items, I go for the 20-items-or-less-Express-Checkout-Lane-lane. Of course, only one of these lanes are being operated, the other 3,000 are just sitting there. I get in line behind these two older ladies. When I say "older", I mean they would have qualified for the Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. I mean 'bout everything is wrinkly.... yes. I glance into their cart-O-goodies and notice that not only have they more than the required amount, they tore off the "20 items or less sign", set it on fire, and the remains were in the basket. Okay, so maybe the last part isn't true, but the fact is that they probably had more than doubled the max.
So, already peeved, the woman take their precious time unloading their basket. When they proceed to pay, they whip out a credit card. And of course, the credit card won't work. They do the same thing 17 times, which, surprisingly didn't work. Finally, it works. Then the grossest thing I've seen in 25 years enters my field of vision. There was a wardrobe malfunction. Grabbing her satchel of crap, she bends over slightly, opening the space between the buttons on her shirt. And this wasn't any small opening. A baby llama could have crawled inside. This opening revealed fat rolls and a boob. Who knows, maybe the boob was another fat roll, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
After throwing up for several minutes, I paid for my merch, and left. In fact, I don't think I blinked after the horrors I witnessed. I may have passed out... I don't know. All I know is, BLEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *throw up sounds.... throw up sounds.....throw up sounds*
Until next time, vaya con Dios. And please, old ladies... don't flash me.
It all started when I decided that my evening meal would be purchased at 11th greatest place on earth... WalMart. I go straight to the frozen goods section. I pass by the taquitos and the ice cream snickers, unfortunately, because I like to mix the two together into a delicious entree' of crap. Actually, when you mix the two together, it actually looks like crap.
So, I make my way to the frozen pizzas. Yes, the frozen pizzas. God's gift to mankind. That and college football. Pizzas in-hand, I head to the strawberries. Now, when you get strawberries at WalMart, you have to be careful. Some berries have "extra" fur on them... so, don't get those. Some strawberries look to be the nerds and dorks of the berry kingdom. Don't get those either. Strawberry social outcasts doesn't taste good.
I get my perfectly picked out berries of straw and head towards the checkout lane. Having only two items, I go for the 20-items-or-less-Express-Checkout-Lane-lane. Of course, only one of these lanes are being operated, the other 3,000 are just sitting there. I get in line behind these two older ladies. When I say "older", I mean they would have qualified for the Craftmatic Adjustable Bed. I mean 'bout everything is wrinkly.... yes. I glance into their cart-O-goodies and notice that not only have they more than the required amount, they tore off the "20 items or less sign", set it on fire, and the remains were in the basket. Okay, so maybe the last part isn't true, but the fact is that they probably had more than doubled the max.
So, already peeved, the woman take their precious time unloading their basket. When they proceed to pay, they whip out a credit card. And of course, the credit card won't work. They do the same thing 17 times, which, surprisingly didn't work. Finally, it works. Then the grossest thing I've seen in 25 years enters my field of vision. There was a wardrobe malfunction. Grabbing her satchel of crap, she bends over slightly, opening the space between the buttons on her shirt. And this wasn't any small opening. A baby llama could have crawled inside. This opening revealed fat rolls and a boob. Who knows, maybe the boob was another fat roll, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't.
After throwing up for several minutes, I paid for my merch, and left. In fact, I don't think I blinked after the horrors I witnessed. I may have passed out... I don't know. All I know is, BLEEEEEEHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *throw up sounds.... throw up sounds.....throw up sounds*
Until next time, vaya con Dios. And please, old ladies... don't flash me.
Brought To You By Coach K at
6/20/2006 01:50:00 AM
3 Comments:
Ha Ha.. that is the funniest thing ever...
By
Anonymous, at Tue Jun 20, 05:44:00 PM 2006
so one day, you shall be married. and *knock on wood* that marriage shall last until you're 80something. And at that time, your wife will have old lady boobs. Maybe even a roll or two. You must get used to old lady boobs because THE DAY IS COMING! :)
By
Amy, queen of the world., at Thu Jun 22, 02:52:00 AM 2006
LOL!!!!! I just laughed so hard I cried and my stomach felt it too...maybe you should write a book of funny events in life.
By
Nichole, at Thu Jul 16, 10:00:00 AM 2009
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