Another look into the future 2

In the year 2000, in the year 2000:

"People will stop going to Las Vegas when they learn that Las Vegas in Spanish means 'The suckers from Ohio.'"

"After Keith Richards goes to a dermatologist because of a strange fuzz growing on his face, it will be determined that a Rolling Stone can indeed gather moss."

"In an inspiring interview Madonna will reveal how by dedicating ourselves to motherhood, meditation and spirituality we can all one day appear in an ad campaign for 'The Gap.'"

"In the lesbian version of 'Queer Eye for the Straight Guy' gay women go to a straight woman's apartment and add more electrical outlets."

"Scientists will discover that the foreskin is the biological center of happiness and contentment. Jews all over the world will say 'It figures!'"

"Adding a second string to a regular yoyo a black toy inventor will invent the 'yoyoyo.'"

"Cookie lovers all over the world will be horrified when Oreo reveals that the stuff in their doublestuft oreos is a substance scraped off of Mickey Rourke."

"Marijuana will still be illegal except for medicinal purposes. However medicinal purposes will be expanded to include getting wasted in hospital parking lots."

"Mike Tyson will admit that the reason he went bankrupt was because he bet someone a billion dollars that he could go a day without 'going all crazy and s...'"