Fountain of Youth or How to Lose a Guy in 20 Items or Less
Setting: WalMart
Time: Saturday, December 23. Aprox. 5:30 p.m.
Mood at the time: I'd rather not use profanity.
I'm a guy, so it's built in my DNA to procrastinate when it comes to Christmas shopping. I was fulfilling my genetic code on Saturday to a little place called WalMart. I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not, but it's kind of hectic this time of year. It's filled with guys like me. At this point of the shopping season, guys are nervous, sweaty, and downright ready for war. The lines are long and only half of the checkout stations are occupied by "qualified" employees.
I proceed into the store with two things in mind: 1. get in, 2. get out... fast. On my shopping list was a DVD for my sister (Season 1 of Robot Chicken) and a dirty santa gift that was to be determined later. So, I find the aforementioned DVD and then attempt to look for a $10 to $20 male (or "dude") gift for my family's annual Christmas hoopla. After several minutes of the guessing game, I decide on a gift. It was something like shower gel, deodorant, and a travel bag for it to go in. Great! Let's go pay for it now and get the heck outta hades.
Now it's time for everybody's favorite endeavor: The Checkout. Keep in mind, this is next to last shopping day of the season, so the lines are going to be long... which is an understatement. Every line looks rediculus, so I just choose the "Speedy" Checkout closest to the nearest exit, knowing that I'd have to wait.... and wait....
Standing in line, I look at all the registers. ONLY ONE REGISTER WAS OPEN! Nobody occupied the other 3 "Speedy" checkout registers. Now how can you explain only one register being open two shopping days before Christmas? You know, that might just help out on the whole "long lines" issue. I might add that the people in front of me were pushing the 20 item limit. I wish I had enough you-know-what to go up to them, count the items they have, and discard anything over the max. That would be a top 5 moment.
Anyway, I'm waiting and waiting until it's finally my turn to pay for the merch with cash already in hand. She scans the first item. Good. She scans the DVD. Problem. The cashier says, "You have to be 17 or older to buy this... and you may not look old enough, so can I see some I.D. to be sure?" Keep in mind, I AM 25 freakin' years old! Now, this was a problem because I didn't have any I.D. on me.
So, all I could tell her was, "Well, I'm 25. I just shaved, so I guess that's why I look like the kid from Home Alone. But do what you have to do." She kept it. I couldn't buy it without I.D. I was angry... at first. Then I thought about it. Do I really look 8 years younger? Does a little face dirt make that much difference?
I wish I didn't have to go back to WalMart the next day and punched her in the face.
Just kidding.
Until next time, vaya con Dios. And happy New Year!
Time: Saturday, December 23. Aprox. 5:30 p.m.
Mood at the time: I'd rather not use profanity.
I'm a guy, so it's built in my DNA to procrastinate when it comes to Christmas shopping. I was fulfilling my genetic code on Saturday to a little place called WalMart. I'm not sure if you've heard of it or not, but it's kind of hectic this time of year. It's filled with guys like me. At this point of the shopping season, guys are nervous, sweaty, and downright ready for war. The lines are long and only half of the checkout stations are occupied by "qualified" employees.
I proceed into the store with two things in mind: 1. get in, 2. get out... fast. On my shopping list was a DVD for my sister (Season 1 of Robot Chicken) and a dirty santa gift that was to be determined later. So, I find the aforementioned DVD and then attempt to look for a $10 to $20 male (or "dude") gift for my family's annual Christmas hoopla. After several minutes of the guessing game, I decide on a gift. It was something like shower gel, deodorant, and a travel bag for it to go in. Great! Let's go pay for it now and get the heck outta hades.
Now it's time for everybody's favorite endeavor: The Checkout. Keep in mind, this is next to last shopping day of the season, so the lines are going to be long... which is an understatement. Every line looks rediculus, so I just choose the "Speedy" Checkout closest to the nearest exit, knowing that I'd have to wait.... and wait....
Standing in line, I look at all the registers. ONLY ONE REGISTER WAS OPEN! Nobody occupied the other 3 "Speedy" checkout registers. Now how can you explain only one register being open two shopping days before Christmas? You know, that might just help out on the whole "long lines" issue. I might add that the people in front of me were pushing the 20 item limit. I wish I had enough you-know-what to go up to them, count the items they have, and discard anything over the max. That would be a top 5 moment.
Anyway, I'm waiting and waiting until it's finally my turn to pay for the merch with cash already in hand. She scans the first item. Good. She scans the DVD. Problem. The cashier says, "You have to be 17 or older to buy this... and you may not look old enough, so can I see some I.D. to be sure?" Keep in mind, I AM 25 freakin' years old! Now, this was a problem because I didn't have any I.D. on me.
So, all I could tell her was, "Well, I'm 25. I just shaved, so I guess that's why I look like the kid from Home Alone. But do what you have to do." She kept it. I couldn't buy it without I.D. I was angry... at first. Then I thought about it. Do I really look 8 years younger? Does a little face dirt make that much difference?
I wish I didn't have to go back to WalMart the next day and punched her in the face.
Just kidding.
Until next time, vaya con Dios. And happy New Year!
Brought To You By Coach K at
12/26/2006 12:38:00 PM
1 Comments:
dude, i share in your anger towards walmart...it's stupid that they expect so many customers and only open a few measly lanes...that's retarded...well anyhow, Merry day-after-the-traditionally-held-day-of-celebration-of-the-delivery-of-Christ-from-the-womb-of-the-virgin-Mary!!! otherwise known as Christmas...
By
Bryan Laramore, at Tue Dec 26, 03:12:00 PM 2006
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